Sunday, February 5, 2012

On The Road Again

I am about to make a change in my life, a very big change. I am selling my house, leaving my employer of eighteen years, and moving to another province where I have accepted a new position. I am leaving behind the province where I was born and where I have spent all but three years of my life. I am leaving behind family, and many dear friends.

No big deal, right? People do it all the time - move across the continent for a job, or to go to school, or to be with a new partner. For that matter, I have done it myself many times. I've owned four houses, each in a different city, and now I'm about to buy a fifth. During my university years, I lived in countless rented digs. So why the Sturm und Drang this time round?

Well, the thing is, it is a big deal. It involves jumping off into the unknown. Right now, I am comfortable in my log house. I can walk through the house in the dark in the middle of the night and not bump into furniture. Through experience, I have discovered preferred ways of doing things and I have developed routines. For example, I have a certain way of shoveling the snow, certain favourite walks around home where I take the dogs, and I know roughly when to dig up my vegetable garden, as well as what to plant and when.

I have routines at work for each day and each season. Although I don't know specifically what will happen on any given day, most of the challenges that I deal with are fairly similar to things I have dealt with before. Basically, I'm bored. The day-to-day stuff doesn't engage me anymore, and there is little support from above to move forward with new initiatives. This is the flip side of secure and predictable - boring. Stifling, in fact. I came to the realization that if I stayed on here in this job, I would waste away. I'd become a twisted, dried up little shell of a person.

I really struggled over this decision. In fact, I think I had come close to deciding to leave four years ago, but then I met my husband-to-be, and was gloriously, happily distracted for a few years. (And I am still very happy in love; it's just that dissatifaction with my work life eventually reasserted itself.)

It will be hard to leave our friends, and although our family is a bit scattered, we'll be further away from most of them. These last few months, I have been grieving everything that we will lose. Step by step, we have been doing the things to wrap up our lives here and move on. Now as the time comes close, I am letting go and looking forward. I don't know exactly what we are going to, but it is taking shape in my imagination. We'll buy a house. We'll meet people. I'll somehow figure out how to do a new, quite different job.

Isn't that exciting!

4 comments:

  1. It is exciting! I know exactly how you feel. I felt that way 3 years ago, when my husband and I came to Kauai to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. From the age of 6 to 43, I spent my whole life in Colorado. After our vacation, we quit jobs of 15/13 years, we sold our house and all of our stuff, said goodbye to family and friends and moved to Kauai 6 months later. It was VERY scary! Just over two years later, I don't regret a thing. Go for it! It will wake up up and make you appreciate life again. And remember, everything will be OK!

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  2. Wow, I am . . . surprised. I know I don't see you very much, but I will MISS YOU. You're one of those rare, super inspiring blends of professional and artists and your presence and your work added so much to our community. Whenever our paths did cross, I was always so encouraged/motivated.

    All that said: HOORAY for the change and like Aloha said, it is exciting! All those new experiences waiting to be had. New places to explore. Different ways to shovel snow, ahahahahahahaha.

    Will you keep writing your blog (pretty please) and if you have time for a tea at Cafenara some night before you go for old TWG sake, I'd love to buy you one.

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  3. Aloha, thanks for the encouragement. The move has been challenging, and I've certainly experienced a a fair bit of homesickness. But we love the new ciity, and the new job is really interesting. I do know that that it was the right decision for us, but still hard....

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  4. Ev, thank-you so much for your (blush) kind words. I don't know if I ever expressed to you how much I appreciated your wise and encouraging stewardship of the TWG group. You found a way to make everyone feel welcome and included. My busy schedule didn't allow me to participate as much as I would have liked, and now in my new job, the busyness factor is even worse. This blog IS my writing time, and you can see how little I have posted. Sigh.

    I'm sorry I didn't see your note before I moved; I would have liked to have met for tea.

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