Dear readers, if you have been following posts on my blog, you will know that I am a recent but happy retiree. The person who is most surprised about this is me.
You see, during my career, I was the classic workaholic. I used to joke about it. "I am so busy. I have so much to do. Work, work, work -- that defines my life. I must be a bit of a workaholic."
I used to come home weeping with exhaustion after 12 and 14 hour days, when I had not had time to step away from the computer or eat a meal. We routinely ate dinner at 8:00 or 9:00 at night, because I seldom came home before 7:00 or 8:00 pm. Our family and friends lived far away, and although I made quick trips to visit as often as I could and kept in touch by phone, it was not enough. I was constantly frustrated that I did not have enough time for exercise or creative endeavours. The stress and the pace began to affect my health.
But, for all of that, I really didn't think that there was all that much wrong with my life. Or maybe it was more that I couldn't imagine that there was any other way to be. The big educational institutions where I had pursued my career had socialized me into excessive work as a lifestyle. I looked around and saw all of my peers working the same crazy long hours that I was. As we ran past each other in the hallways, our typical conversations went something like this:
"How are you?"
"Busy. Just unbelievably busy. How about you?"
"Me too. Busy, busy, busy. I'm dealing with the X crisis and the Y crisis, and I thought we had a solution for the Z crisis, but there's a new wrinkle, and it has to be dealt with today."
"Well. I have to go. I have three back-to-back meetings, and I'm double booked over lunch hour."
"Yeah, I'm racing to a meeting too, and I'll be here all weekend for the W event."
"Good luck."
"Take care."
As much as I tried to seek a better balance between my work life and personal life, the work demands were urgent and unrelenting.
Besides, I loved my career. I had spent decades studying and working in different roles within the university system. I was deeply invested in being a professor, researcher, and administrator. I didn't know who I was apart from my work identity. I was afraid of giving it all up, only to discover that my career self was all that I was.
When I began to realize that it was time to retire, I struggled with the decision. I remember that I started to write a blog post around that time called: "Throwing My Life Away." I never published it because it was so bleak and despairing.
Everybody's different, but for me, one part of the solution involved retiring in stages. The other part involved making a cognitive shift. Essentially, I tricked myself into retiring. To find out about my self-trickery, continue reading here.
I am thrilled to have been invited to guest host on Donna's blog, Retirement Reflections, once again. Please visit me there and read my post.
I’ve just been there! Great post, and glad things are working out so well for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Anabel. So far, things have worked out very well. At the time though, when I was worrying and trying to decide whether to retire, I found it hard to imagine what my retired life would be like. Perhaps those difficult years of working through it in my mind were a necessary preparatory step.
DeleteJude
Great to meet you, Jude. I left a comment on Donna's blog!
ReplyDeleteTerri, thanks for stopping by my blog. I have responded to your comment on Donna’s blog. It sounds like we have lots in common!
DeleteJude
I enjoyed reading your post, Jude, for your honesty of your struggle and that you're now enjoying this phase of life. I left a comment on Donna's blog. Wishing you a fun art show this coming weekend!
ReplyDeleteHi Natalie. Yes, it really was a struggle for me to step away from my career. I am surprised and delighted to find out that there is life after retirement. Not only life, but a good life. I’m glad I didn’t give in to my fears and keep on working beyond the point that I did.
DeleteThanks for leaving a comment on Donna’s blog, and for the good wishes.
Jude
It takes an enormous mind shift to transition from a busy career to retirement. It sounds like you did the right things that you needed to do to make that transition easier for you. I'm glad that you've embraced your new lifestyle and it feels good for you ��
ReplyDeleteHi Joanne. Yes, you are right. I was so invested in my career and caught up in the projects and problems that constituted my daily work. I think I also was so caught up in climbing the career ladder seeking one achievement after another that it was hard to stop. I finally had to say to myself, “okay, this is as far as I go,” and come to a point of acceptance with it. It was hard to let it go. But now it is a relief to have stopped the striving.
DeleteJude
I love the way you approached your retirement, Jude. I left a comment on Donna’s blog. Enjoy the show!
ReplyDeleteLiesbet, thanks for commenting on Donna’s blog and here as well. I think the art show will be fun!
DeleteJude
Hi, Jude - Thank you once again for your wonderful Guest Post. As Terri stated, it helped my GP Series go out with a "bang"! It is a very insightful piece.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for inviting me, Donna. Your series has really brought a lot of people in the retirement blogging world together.
DeleteJude
It seems that you approach your retirement in a similar manner to how you approached work - with commitment and responsibility. Many years ago, I read a book called Real Moments by Barbara de Angelis. The book brought some clarity to me about work life and life work. After 34 yrs in health care, I retired and haven't looked back. I commit to living my life responsibly. As was stated in a card I received at retirement - retirement is when you stop living at work and begin working at living. As you say, those marginal interests and activities can take center stage because now we get to prioritize the hours of our day.
ReplyDelete
DeleteMona, the book that you mention sounds really interesting. I will have to look for it. One book that was helpful to me as I thought through whether to retire was David Whyte’s book, “The Three Marriages.” I also turned to the blogosphere. It was so helpful to read the real-life accounts of other people about their retirement experiences. It helped take some of the fear out of it to realize that people were living happy, vibrant lives after retirement. The point you make about living responsibly also is important to me. I want to continue to make a contribution, even though I am no longer employed.
Jude
A shudder went through me when I read your heartfelt words, Jude. I so understand your story. I'm glad you stopped when you did. Much longer on that treadmill and the ending, as my doctor once said, "wouldn't have been pretty."
ReplyDeleteKaren, I knew these memories would resonate with you. Looking back, I now find it strange that I could have been so invested in work that it took precedence over everything else, even my own well-being.
DeleteJude
Oh how I would love to trick myself into retiring. I think I'd even be happy for someone ELSE to trick me into it, lol. I have a few more years of working ahead of me though, so I will continue to live vicariously through bloggers like you Jude, who are enjoying their newfound retirement, whether deliberate or by trickery!
ReplyDeleteHi Sue. Some people look forward to retirement for years and are eager to retire as soon as they are financially able. Although I dutifully put money aside so that I could retire, I did not look forward to retirement and actually believed that I would continue working into my seventies.
DeleteI am still working a bit, just not for pay. And, of course, there’s my new jobs as writer and artist! Sue, I hope that your years leading up to retirement are good to you, and that retirement, when it happens, is everything you have hoped for.
Jude